just tell him i said nine months
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
