That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
