I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
