The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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