she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
