I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
