You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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