Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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