used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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