this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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