I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
