I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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