bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
