I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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