Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
only if we run a train.
done.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
as a side note pls kill me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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