Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
