Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize