He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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