Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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