so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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