She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
