If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
