a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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