What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
