FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
