Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
