im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
