genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I lost the right to judge tonight
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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