She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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