Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
