There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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