Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Randomize
