Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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