i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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