If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
