she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
