her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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