I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize