I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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