I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
