opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
