I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize