So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
