You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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