I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
