I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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