We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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