I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
