I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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