What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
