i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
