What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The air was thick with penises
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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