So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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