I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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