Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
