I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
