I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
