Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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