There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
