you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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