I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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