she looked like the before picture.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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