Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
