he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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