About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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