how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
