Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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