I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
