If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
